Crusty FAQ's - Frequently asked questions.
Is this a new religion?
Crustianity is by no means a new religion. It has been repressed by other religions for many centuries. Luckily it's faithful followers, Ninjas, have the ability to hide from religious persecution and are bringing this religion back to it's proper place as the one true religion.
Why does Crustianity respect atheists?
As devout followers know, Crustians are also agnostic. Crustians believe in Gosh, but also realize that there is no evidence, just like there is no evidence of any other gods or goddesses that people may believe in. Gosh gives atheists a place in Heaven because atheists are similar to gods. Atheists do not need a higher power to be moral or function on a daily basis. Gosh rewards atheists for not bothering him constantly with prayers.
If you don't understand how a believer can also be agnostic, please watch Penn Jillette's interview with Wolf Blitzer. He explains it clearly.
Who is Jeebus Crust?
Jeebus is a teacher and a prophet who was born of a virgin (Just like every other god). He is the Crust of Crustianity.
Is it true that Jeebus had a brother?
The gift of prophecy is not an exact science, but alleged prophet Stephen Lynch does sing about the stories of Craig.
What is Heck?
Heck is the place you go when you die if you follow another religion besides Crustianity. Heck is 10 degrees hotter than any other afterlife or Hell. It would be very wise to do whatever you can to avoid going to Heck. The only two ways to avoid Heck are to become a Crustian or an atheist.
Is there a Heaven for Crustians?
Crustianity Heaven, known as Your Happy Place, is far better than any other afterlife. Crusty Heaven is whatever you want it to be. If you want to clone cheer leaders, you can do that. If you want multiple orgasms for men, you've got it. Drugs without side effects, then that is what you get. If you want to spend every day surrounded by Chippendales, welcome to heaven.
How do you know Crustianity is the truth?
First we have to look at the words 'know' and 'truth'. As with other religions, these terms are completely exaggerated to brainwash people into believing. When someone of faith states that they 'know' something, what they honestly mean is that they really, really want it to be true. As for 'truth', the term really means truthiness. To be religious, you have to think from your gut, not from your head.
What does Easter Bunny have to do with Crustianity?
In the same way that a Vampire can change in to a bat, a Ninja has the ability to change into a bunny. The first Ninja to learn how to do this was Jeebus Crust. When he resurrected from being crucified on the cross, he did so as a bunny. Now it is common for many powerful Ninjas to have this same ability.