Is Crustianity a true religion? Is it new?

Crustianity is just as true as any other religion. Of course it sounds ridiculous. Every religion sounds ridiculous. Any religion based on someone born of a virgin that dies and comes back to life is going to sound preposterous if you use logic. As Crustians, we use Faith. Just as with other religions, we don't think, we just believe.

Crustianity is by no means a new religion. It has been repressed by other religions for many centuries. Luckily it's faithful followers, Ninjas, have the ability to hide from religious persecution and are bringing this religion back to it's proper place as the one true religion.

The image to the left is called a Star Cross, or Ninja Cross. It is one of the main symbols of Crustianity. Jeebus was the original Ninja and he died for us on a cross. Instead of disrespectfully putting his dead corpse on the cross, Crustianity symbolizes Jeebus with a Ninja Throwing Star.

Ninjas vs. Pirates

Are Ninjas the enemies of Pirates? Ninjas have been called the natural enemies of Pirates. While this is true on some levels, this does not mean that Crustians are necessarily enemies of all Pastafarians. Most Pastafarians are good people. Some may take over the occasional ship, but at least they are not killing abortion doctors, flying planes into towers and trying to put creation mythology into science classes. Ninjas recognize that not all Pirates are evil, just like not all Muslims are evil. However, there are a few nasty ones that Ninjas go after. Ninjas do not want to kill off all Pirates (just in case the correlation between Pirates and Global warming is true). However, Ninjas can't just stand by and let these Pirate attacks continue.

Pirates Hijack Cargo Ship Off Somalia
Pirates Attack Barge in Malacca Strait

I am sure there are Ninjas hunting down these very Pirates.

Crustians are agnostic.

Many people misunderstand the term 'agnostic'. People tend to think that you have to be either theist, agnostic or atheist. Agnostic describes whether something can be known. Can you know whether or not there is a god? No, so that makes you agnostic. Even after you admit that you are agnostic, you still need to decide if you are an atheist or a theist. Do you believe there is a god? If no, then you are an atheist. If yes, then you are a theist. Do you believe in Gosh? If yes, then you are a Crustian! Penn describes atheism and agnosticism very well in an interview with Wolf Blitzer.

Evidence

Just like other ridiculous religions, Crustianity has no empirical evidence for the existance of it's deity (Gosh) or how it's god created the universe. However, Crustianity is based on prophets that are alive today, unlike other religions that are based on fictional books that are nearly 2000 years old.

Family Guy, South Park and the Simpsons.

People often ask why Crustians seem to watch particular animated television shows. Besides the fact that it is very possible that the creators of all three shows are Crustians, each show has aspects that appeal to the followers of Crustianity. All three shows seem to not only leak out previously hidden Crustianity information, they also poke fun of Christianity and other leading religions. The Simpsons are even known for talking about Jeebus. Watch the Family Guy and Simpsons clips below to understand why most Crustians love the shows.

 

The Babble

Known as the Wikipedia of religious books, the Babble is being written and changed constantly. As new profits send in new and updated information, the Babble becomes more and more accurate.

More information about the Babble will be coming soon.